Saturday, May 31, 2008

We already know what happened.

So uhm. It appears that former white house press secretary, Scott McClellan has a leaked tell-all memoir that’s officially out next Tuesday.

The book, “What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and Washington’s Culture of Deception”, apparently exposes the truth behind certain hot button issues such as the Iraq war, Valerie Plame, Hurricane Katrina, Karl Rove, Bush’s machinations, cover-ups by the white house press corps, etc. etc.

While any insider information exposing the manipulations and underhandedness of the current administration is often desperately welcomed, McClellan’s truths, however, are five-years too late. So late, that everything in there will likely elicit “duh” reactions from the readers: The Iraqi war was all propaganda- duh; Condoleeza Rice was a puppet and was too deferential- duh; the press corps gave the president an easy pass on Iraq- duh... about as relevant as the "breaking" announcement that Ashlee Simpson is pregnant (no!!). McClellan, we needed your honesty a long time ago. When it, well, mattered.

But a tell-all by former Deputy Chief-of-Staff, Karl Rove? Now for THAT I would stand in line overnight. Imagine the opening paragraph (as concocted by my sister’s imagination):

It all began when my mother, headed into her thirties and still childless, sought a deal with the devil. “the future child's soul”, the devil said, “For the first 100 years of his life. He shall apprentice under me, I will make none greater, and he shall destroy great nations…"

Seriously- who wouldn’t stand in line for that?

Friday, May 30, 2008

May the Sex be with you

Dear Sex and The City fans who are going to the viewing tonight while dressed as your favorite SATC gal (and if you ever said "I'm like totally a Carrie/Miranda/Samantha/Charlotte" to another living soul, then this applies to you as well):

Congratulations! You are now as pathetic as Star Trek loving, convention attending, and William Shatner worshipping fans! Carry on.

Oh, and Happy Friday!!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

But all I really want is a Porsche.

Yesterday, my sister sends me a chat on Gmail.

Sister: “So I found the bag I want for my belated birthday present.”

The price tag? 1,536 United States Dollars!! (no, not Jamaican dollars, or even Canadian for that matter!)

Choking on her nerve, I type incredulously: “SERIOUSLY?!”

She responds affirmatively: “Major shit eating grin.”


Wednesday, May 28, 2008

A case for a scienceless world

Remember crazy thunderstorms from your youth, where some superstitious grandmother or aunt told you that this was a result of the gods being angry? Remember how they scared the devil out of you while you hid underneath your bed and counted from one, as in The Poltergeist? And the storm got closer and louder and for a second you believed your paddle wielding catholic school nun that the end was near? Or how about storms being moments to huddle with your siblings on beds piled high with pillows, lost in some book. (Or rather, let’s cue scene from Sound of Music, without the singing). Fast forward to now, how we still get such ferocious and angry thunderstorms, but there is no fear because we know thunderstorms have nothing to do with angry gods, singing nannies or world-ending scenarios. Indulging the geek in me, they are just a result of water vapor and warm air vs. cooler air and charge in the clouds, etc. etc. and most of us simply think it’s just a heavy rainstorm. These storms have become another miniscule event in our lives, inconveniencing at best, and nothing worth writing home about. So… what went wrong?

Magic, people. When we know all life's mysteries, the magic disappears.

Clintonites. They're Clintonites before Democrats. And I hate them.

Yes, I finally said it. And primarily out of sheer frustration against these Clintonites proudly saying that where Obama gets the democratic party nomination, they plan to vote for McCain in November. This is an abomination that baffles me on so many levels, primarily because of the nuanced differences between the policies of Obama and Clinton as opposed to the lack of similarities between Clinton and McCain. Briefly, from Iraq to tax cuts to health care to birth control insurance coverage and the clincher… (cue drum roll) reproductive rights.

This latter drives me bonkers. Switching from Clinton to Women need more education before they can get equal pay McCain makes just no kind of sense to me. McCain has voted against a majority of women's rights issues from reproductive rights, sexual education programs, family planning programs, etc. And he's damned proud of his intolerance.

Further, McCain has made no secret of his intent to have Roe vs. Wade overturned and my dear Clintonites, he can. Roe vs. Wade, despite its current watered down state, confers invaluable reproductive rights upon women, and can be overturned with the near guaranteed retirement of two left-leaning Supreme Court justices: 88 year old Justice Stevens and 75 year old Justice Ginsburg. What? You think McInsane will nominate lefty Justices as their replacements? For the sake of childish resentment, you'd willingly put your rights, the rights of your daughters, women in this country, at jeopardy because your preferred candidate did not win? Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. Oh and keep putting your autonomy and rights in the hands of Jurassic-aged balding white males with no concept of reality outside of yacht clubs, Fortune 100 directorships, and hunting trips staged somewhere in northern Texas.

Then again I guess rusty hangers and back alleys are more your forte.

And with the zoning board in his pocket...

As if you needed another reason not to piss your landlord off, especially if you live in a poorly ventilated brownstone in Boston:

He's well within his rights to rent the apartment below you to an Indian Restaurant.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I know you know better.

Friday, May 23, 2008: It's an interview and Senator Clinton is questioned on the unity of the democratic party, including her insistence on remaining in the democratic nomination race. She states:

"…You know my husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California. You know, I just don't understand it and there's lot of speculation about why it is, but . . ."

Ms. Clinton, you know what you said and you know what you meant when you said it. You're a politician and a brilliant one at that. Doesn't Politics 101 teach that every uttered word counts and shall be endlessly dissected and scrutinized? And if you argue a slip of the tongue or that your words are being twisted and taken out of context, then guess what? You should not be running for president. I think America has had 8 years too many of ventriloquists and their brainless dummies sitting in the Oval Office. Either way, my conviction in your intelligence and your capabilities is such that I'm seriously considering the theories that your power-hungry desperation has finally led you to callously and "underhandedly" awaken sleeper cells. Not your intention? Then for future reference, political assassinations are not light fodder. This too goes for you Liz Trotta and Huckabee.

Clinton, I'm a woman and I did believe in you. But I am a rational thinker too and I am appalled.

Oh and P.s.? Please apologize. You know the Kennedy family was not your target and there are others, one person in particular, who, besides the Kennedys, truly need that apology.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Things to do in Texas before you die: #1

Or leave the state, whichever comes first:

But I don’t know how to swim, and tubing definitely requires one to possess the most basic swimming skills. Thus, there’s my motivation: I’m thinking 4th of July weekend, new bathing suit, drinks, friends, all on the Guadalupe River!

Sigh. I love getting super worked up about things. It’s how I never get anything done.

And you thought you were having a bad day.

From the gem that is John McCain's pastor:

"God says in Jeremiah 16: 'Behold, I will bring them the Jewish people again unto their land that I gave to their fathers. ... Behold, I will send for many fishers, and after will I send for many hunters. And they the hunters shall hunt them.' That would be the Jews. ... Then God sent a hunter. A hunter is someone who comes with a gun and he forces you. Hitler was a hunter…"

Guess Jeremiah Wright doesn't seem that bad now, does he?


I'm not just being bitter here

To all you natural hair Nazis:

First of all, shut up. This is not a post to bash natural hair, but it would be nice if the information out there on natural hair styles was more balanced, at least so that idiots like yours truly who know absolutely nothing about maintaining natural hair were forewarned that having natural hair has its own disadvantages, as much, if not more than relaxed hair does.

We could start by admitting that there’s such a thing as “pretty” natural hair,

and then at the other extreme, the not so “pretty” (guess which I have?)

It’s the coarsest, most unmanageable curliest hair texture imaginable. Short of braided styles, there isn’t much I can do with my natural hair since I live in a hot humid climate, the sort Houston has. The humidity causes the hair to frizz up and shrink to nothing, while creating a tangled unsightly mess sitting atop my head. So here in good old H-Town you’d be hard pressed to find someone with this hair texture wearing their hair out in afros, twist-outs or one of the many widely touted natural hair styles. And if so, the person has a lot more time on her hands than the average person. Or maybe a particular area in her life is being severely neglected (kids probably think she’s the nanny or something). The point is, there’s a trade-off: You can do so much more with your natural hair, but it comes at the expense of valuable time.

I’m just asking for more honesty, where the current consensus out there in books, online, word of mouth—that natural hair is oh so easy—is exposed as fallacious. I know I’d definitely appreciate natural hair being seen as an alternative, as neither better nor worse, just another option. I know we want to encourage more black women to let go of the use of chemical products on their hair, but please, let’s not sugarcoat the truth.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Sex and Slapstick Comedy

I, dear readers, am a die-hard Sex and the City fan. Pathetic, perhaps, but I shall be one among the masses of females proudly trotting about in their Manolo (and Manono) Blahnik heels on May 30, sipping weak cosmopolitans in outfits inspired by the imagination of a sixth grader playing dress-up in mommy’s night-time work clothes. (Parental occupation censored.)

Excitement is such an understatement.

My one gripe? Upon sneaking some views of some of the costumes worn by the characters in the much anticipated Sex and the City movie, I cannot help but fear that this movie may be an embarrassing caricature of the show. And my fear is definitely not eased with this image of Sarah Jessica Parker’s outfit at the London world premiere.

Sigh. Of all the outfits...

I oddly worry for the legacy of the series, about it being campy and shtick. And this worry is not baseless, considering that such a fate did (arguably) befall Seinfeld, one of the last great sitcoms. I doubt I’m alone in thinking that Seinfeld should have ended in its 7th season, upon the departure of Larry David. The latter seasons saw Seinfeld become a caricature of itself (i.e. think how unrealistic Kramer’s antics became, or how the combination of the individual story lines actually took away from the “heart” of Seinfeld, turning it into a shtick show about something).

I digress.

Despite knowing I shall undoubtedly roll my eyes at the Halloween costumes created by a deep-in-her-cups Patricia Field, I, in my Manolos, shall join several of my friends over three or four cosmopolitans and give Sex and the City the proper farewell toast it deserves. Until the second and third sequels hit the big screens, of course.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Yes, I paid money for this refrigerator magnet

Tsk, tsk, Barbara.

Women who sleep with married men? Not too keen on. It is true that the man made the vows and has more at stake, including eternal hellfire because adultery is a sin and so he goes to hell unless he repents and doesn’t break the other nine commandments or reject Christ as his Lord and Savior. However, the woman has also broken a vow: A vow to the Sisterhood of um, Women (SOW). Finding out you have been cheated on is a painful enough experience to go through. Often it involves losing the trust you had for your man and the painful realization that you are no longer the center of his universe. It can also lead to the dissolution of your relationship. All this is tacit knowledge. Even if you haven’t been cheated on, you should know someone who has been. So I guess that’s why I don’t understand why one would willingly choose to be The Other Woman. Whatever happened to treating others the way you wish to be treated?

I guess I also struggle with this because I like women. After all I am one, so it’s natural to prefer their company. There’s a bond there. So when I hear of a woman doing something that causes so much heartache to another, I take a step back. In a way, it’s similar to how I react to black-on-black crime statistics. Shouldn’t we like each other? Not want to hurt the other?

At the end of the day, I suspect I’m being too idealistic. After all, I often give men the pass because I am convinced it’s something that evolution wasn’t able to stamp out. The “boys will be boys” mentality (is my African upbringing showing?). Perhaps this is the case for women as well, some leftover survival instinct or such from another time. Think about it: Does a lioness, before getting boinked by a lion say “No, no, Mufasa, I must think about Sarabi. She won’t like this”? I didn’t think so either.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

George Bush in a Wig?

Now. If that girl doesn't look like her daddy...

Poor, poor girl.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

My Flavor of Love viewing phase was also meant to be ironic

So hot right now? Hansel! No, seriously:

Do you wish to impress? Just say you’re loving Lupe Fiasco’s stuff. Add Gnarls Barkley and you’re set for life. I’m going to a Kanye West concert and Lupe Fiasco is one of the opening acts. Never mind that I don’t really follow rap (“They talk too fast”) or that I have heard only two of his songs (After hearing Dumb it Down, my thoughts: “Deep”). So I shouldn’t be feeling so impressed with myself then, right? It’s like how I would like to support my friend and buy one of these shirts, but see, I don’t even celebrate Cinco De Mayo. I could pretend I’m being ironic? Example, I’m going to see Lupe perform (can I say Lupe? Is that ok?), but the fact I don’t follow rap is ok because it’s me being ironic, see?

More ways to be unintentionally ironic: Supporting Obama just because he’s a cool guy; being into the green movement to make a buck (that goes to you Wal Mart and also Continental airlines for shelling out a magazine issue with a “green” theme. I mean, seriously?); and this (however sexy):