A friend of mine is currently dating a male that she describes as “totally squishy and sweet,” a statement made in an attempt to contradict my assessment that “he looks scary.” I assume, of course, that the squishy and sweet characterization is a personality trait, because in his photograph, he looks like a shoo-in contestant for the season finale of Cops. To demonstrate this squishy and sweet personality, my friend gushes, “He never remembers anyone’s birthday, not even his mother, so instead he gives birthday gifts and mother’s day gifts to his mother, aunt, and grandmother on HIS birthday.” I pause. “Ah, okay.” She continues, “You know, as a tribute to them.”
A tribute? Well! In that case, glad to know that his mother’s efforts enduring a likely 24 hours of labor, akin to squeezing out a summer-ripened watermelon through a keyhole, is honored with a half-assed effort disguised as “a tribute”. Sheesh. If you’re so darned forgetful, how come you remember your birthday? Better yet, is the antiquated concept of the calendar too advanced for you?
I dare my boyfriend to pull that.Then again… Bonus points to dude for turning such a douche move into an endearing quality.