Monday, October 13, 2008
In a few short months, T, one of my dearest friends from my undergraduate years and a former partner in debauchery, is getting married. I can sincerely say that I am (was) genuinely happy for her, such that I happily sat through hour-long phone calls listening to her bemoan the cost of petunias and gardenias, and I think I even managed a semi-legitimate squeal when I saw her baby blue bridal shower invitation card replete with a miniature organza wedding dress. Of course my bliss was short-lived because fast forward to last night’s phone call with T, during which she asks me if I have a "Williams Sonoma" nearby.
"Yes, why?" I ask.
"Oh, you know, for the registry."
I brush her off to say "Well, I have time. The wedding is in January."
She chuckles- she actually chuckles- to say- "Hon, I meant for the shower."
I’m now confused. “But I was going to order the gift for the wedding."
“Noooo, you give me cash for the wedding.”
Ten minutes of further chit-chat, I discover that I’m expected to bring a gift to every pre-wedding shindig because you know, this is “wedding etiquette” and “this is how [her] culture does it.” What Culture? Chick you’re from Kansas! But you know what, I’ll swallow my irritation and buy all $200 worth of gifts from your registry since you somehow forgot to register for anything under $50 and you just have to have two engagement parties, a bridal shower AND a bachelorette party.
However, I am now announcing to all my friends, including all nine of you who got married in the past two years and dragged me into your bridal party (because we’re SUCH good friends and if I don’t accept it’s just poor form)- I'm going to get married last and I shall make sure that I throw a wedding party attendance-mandatory (a) we're thinking about getting engaged party (b) watch us get engaged party (c) an engagement announcement party (d) an engagement party (e) a bridal shower (f) a Jack and Jill bridal shower (g) wedding dress fitting party (h) a cake tasting party (i) we broke up but got engaged again engagement party (j) bachelorette party in New Jersey (k) bachelorette party in Vegas (l) because I frigging can party (m) wedding ceremony party (n) reception day party and (o) brunch after reception party.
And like my last birthday, I’m registering at Tiffany.
This is not an idle threat. Just keep f*cking with me.