Sunday, April 12, 2009

The Evolution of Human Communications

In the beginning there were only face to face communications.

Man eat Meat, marry Jane.”

Then there was the pony express:

Postmarked “Return to Sender”:
“My dearest Elizabeth, Oh! Why is not every body as happy? Charles has asked for my hand in marriage and I have accepted!”

Then Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, which became the cell-phone.

Al Gore invented the internet and we had e-mail.

Date: Thu, Feb 12, 2009 at 1:08 PM
Subject: FW: LOL!

He asked me to marry him! And I said yes! Daddy had a shotgun, but who cares!

With the cell-phone we had text messages. The adults unnecessarily feared the end of all human interaction.

E: Lol! Congrats on the engagement!
J: Thx!! R u hm l8r?
E: Idk. Y?
J: 4 deets! K. Ttyl!

Then someone invented Myspace and Myspace inspired Facebook:

We are doomed.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Bitchiness is an art

Jean Harlow, the platinum-blond star of the 1930s, on being introduced to Lady Margot Asquith, mispronounced her given name to rhyme with “rot.” “My dear, the ‘t’ is silent,” said Asquith, “as in Harlow.”
From NYT op-ed, A Pun for the Ages

Look Mommy! Dinner!

...No, honey, it's what the dog threw up.

Or your new pet "cat"- your call.

Friday, April 10, 2009

F*ing Microsotf

I really really hate that technology has not caught up with my propensity to type too fast. What do you mean that the stupid autocorrect feature in Microsoft word does not know that when I type "icnuldign", I really menat to type "including?" And just like that, my day is ruined. Stupid program.

Oogie, I guess this is your happy friday post.

Happy Friday.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Tea post #35836

On gchat

Piglet: Sometimes, tea is heavenly. I'm weeping right now.

Oogie: Describe tea.

Piglet: Well, there's a cloud with Care Bears on top. A sprinkle of sunshine and gold dust. Harmonica in the background. Everything is white.

Oogie: Ah. Lipton, then?

Piglet: Sigh. Close. Mighty Leaf (But damn Lipton rocks).

Oogie: That sounds like an acid experience, but that's just me.

Piglet: Haha! We should totally put this on justmarvy!

Oogie: I know!

Piglet: Good times.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Step Right Up! Piglet-in-Wellies’ Auction!

Yet another “virgin” is auctioning off her virginity to the highest bidder. 18 year old
Alina Percea, inspired by the trail blazed by Natalie Dylan, has offered up her vah-jay-jay and the accompanying virginity for sale to the highest bidder. I am officially bored of these girls who seriously need to get a clue.

However, so as not to be hit with a case of the shoulda coulda wouldas, and also to capitalize on what apparently is the next investment gold mine (and also to seal my place in the history books: Natalie Dylan! Alina Percea! and Piglet-in-Wellies! Fearless! Groundbreaking! Pioneers! Feminists (barely suppressed laughter)!) I hereby announce:


Except, for those of you who know me, that ship has long sailed (and sunk). But ever creative, this auction shall be truly groundbreaking because:


Yes, dear readers, I am auctioning off my anal virginity. Although previously reserved for my future husband, this is a recession people, and accordingly, it’s every woman for herself. (Sorry A.)

*Please include width of penis in bid. Piglet reserves the right to reject any and all bids, and winner is not determined by the highest price but rather by a mathematical algorithm that factors in the bidder’s girth.