Sunday, May 31, 2009

Postsecret: A criticism is a great website that I have been following for some years and which posts every Sunday a collection of postcards sent in by random people containing secrets they have been unable to share with others. Lately, however, there have been a few too many cases of postcards filtering through that have very little to do with actual secrets. Granted, part of the appeal of Postsecret is the creativity of the postcards used to convey the secret, but seriously?

To wit, I give you Exhibit A, the postcards that have absolutely nothing to do with secrets:

This is a thought, not a secret. There is nothing wrong with sharing this with the world to enlighten the two or three people who think Indians work at Kwik-E-mart (for the love of stereotypes, what??), but Postsecret should not be the medium for this.

Another example:

It's called a blog/diary. Use it. Nobody else gives a shit.

Then you have the postcards that read like secrets, but due to the insipid nature of the secret it's very likely this has been previously revealed to someone else.

Sure. That's a reeeally hard one to keep to yourself . Hesus fricking christ.

Still, a good chunk of the postcards that get posted stay true to the original intent of the website. For instance,

or this,

Now I could blame Frank Warren (the founder of Postsecret) since he gets to pick the posted Sunday postcards, but I'd much rather blame those who go out of their way to put together a postcard that seemingly has nothing to do with anything other than to adulterate the original intent of Postsecret. And this makes Frank's job harder, obviously. So if you guys could stop sending Frank stupid postcards that potentially ruin my Sundays, that would be terrific. Thanks!

Friday, May 29, 2009

googie and oogie 4evah!!!1!

My darling Google (or googie, as I call *it when we're alone),
It does not matter how much sexier you get (incorporating tasks into Google Calendar? Gasp!), you are an inanimate object and as such, I finally get it: Nothing could ever happen between us. So please, stop trying to seduce me into your lair. Just stop.

Happy Friday!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Inside jokes are the best!

Ma's in town.

Figure: Bedsheet hastily stapled over window

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

My God Elizabeth! Aren't you sick of talking about yourself?!!!

This blog was intended to lambast the vapid, mind-numbing, useless and thoroughly pointless atrocity that was Elizabeth Wurtzel’s - of Prozac Nation fame- featured article in June’s Elle magazine. An article where she spends the first of four pages describing how beautiful and adorable she was as a child (no, sweetie, you looked like that child whose mother comfortingly says “you’ll grow into them, honey”) and the next page talking about her fading beauty (Beauty? Wooooow, what lies men tell for a cheap f*ck.)

But you know what? I honestly can’t draft this blog. Because to fairly draft this blog would mean that I once more have to try to read beyond the second page of that drivel and I can’t.

I just can’t.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Nature is shtoopid

Men often claim (shut up Steve Harvey) that the need to sleep around stems from some innate part of their being that has existed since the dawn of time. Effectually, they blame nature. In the same manner, women can claim that their need for monogamous partners stems from nature as well, no? So with these two scenarios both at play, who is nature trying to screw exactly?

Sunday, May 24, 2009

I thought it was a Fitness Magazine?!

What the f*ck is Beyonce doing on the cover of Self Magazine?

And save your commentary; I think we've already established that I am a bonafide Beyonce hater.

Civil Rights- NOT a privilege.

Unless you have been living under a rock, you are aware of the controversy surrounding Carrie Prejean, her response to a question regarding gay marriage, the potential “threat” to her Miss California crown, the Donald’s news conference validating her existence because she’s “pretty” (or good-looking or hot or whatever insipid reason he gave) and the assault her existence continues to have on the senses of anyone who successfully completed a middle school education.

But just in case you have been living under a rock, for your viewing pleasure…

As if I needed additional reminders, Ms. Prejean and the surrounding media scrutiny have brought out the ignorant, self-centered and selfish many, and all manners of egotistical narrow-minded dolts.

Today, yet another friend said to me that the gay marriage fight is “relatively trivial”, “not worth it”, and of course, that the gay marriage/homosexuality cause is completely incomparable to the levels of oppression, prejudice, systematic discrimination, etc. that has been suffered by other groups.


Assuming this were the case, does the “relative non-comparison” justify the marginalization of gays and require that we brush aside their fight for equality?

I guarantee that each individual/group believes their oppression is “king” and believes that those of others need to take a backseat to the cause of such individual/group’s demand for vengeance, justice, reparations, what-the-fuck-ever. I recall a conversation with a Jewish friend on the dear Ms. Prejean. One of said friend’s defenses of Ms. Prejean was that everyone is entitled to their opinion (sure…) and we cannot say that such decision is right or wrong. Au contraire, friend, I countered. There is SUCH a thing as a wrong opinion and I asked him- what if I belonged to the bizarre group of Holocaust deniers? What if I claimed that Holocaust victims did not need any special attention and the Holocaust should be dismissed. Would he still tell me that my opinion was not wrong because I am entitled to my opinion and, as such, it can’t be wrong? Dude proceeds to get offended and actually says that it is extremely offensive to compare the Holocaust to the plight of gays in this country.

My point exactly.

Why are we comparing oppressions? What makes you think that a Jewish person can fully convince a Black person that their plight is more important than the plight of say, slavery victims? Jim Crow victims? Or how about vice versa? People hold onto their suffering because it happens to be THEIRS. Your life and experiences are not more important than mine. And my life and experiences are not more important than yours. We CAN say that opinions such as Ms. Prejean’s are wrong and where such opinions serve to oppress another, we SHOULD say that such opinions are wrong. It is not our place to weigh whether any group has suffered enough- oppression is oppression and we should fight against it all, for everyone.

The end.

How am I not in Shock Therapy?

Below is an excerpt from a recent phone call with my mother, a call during which I complained about the more painful-than-usual cramps I suffered during my last menstrual cycle.

Piglet: You know, mom, this is completely your fault. I inherited these god-awful cramps from you.

Mother (who ACTUALLY says): Whatever. Just be glad that you’re not married. Otherwise, that blood would be symbolic of your failure as a woman.

I remain speechless.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Summer 2009 Movies roundup, part 1


Hugh Jackman shirtless. Something something mutant Hugh Jackman shirtless mutants something Hugh Jackman growling I growl back something mutant Cyclops. Fin.

Terminator Salvation

I saw this with my brothers, and here were our impressions during the viewing (NOT verbatim, obvs):

Some shot of resistance soldiers, all wearing helmets except the chick whose hair flows as they embark off helicopter.

Me to brother: “Why isn’t she wearing a helmet? Is this some subliminal message of why chicks shouldn’t be in battle, because they’re too vain to wear helmets?”

After Kyle and friend have been captured, he says to the other captives, “This is not the time to be agitated. We must think with our heads and…our hearts.”

Me to brother: “Heh, sounding like a first day captive.” Brother: “Yeah, captives who’ve been there since forever are probably thinking, fucking newbie.”

On way home, younger brother trying to make sense of film (potential spoilers for Terminator virgins)

Wee bro: So basically John Connor wants Kyle saved because eventually Kyle will go back in time to impregnate Sarah Connor who will then beget John Connor? Because if not, then John Connor doesn’t live, and if he doesn’t live, then their future is doomed since John Connor holds key to future?”

Older bro: Correct.

Wee bro: Kinda full of himself isn’t he, this Connor dude?


Monday, May 11, 2009

Cavities notwithstanding...

So apparently the newest trend is
mixing vodka with Skittles.

Absolutely NOT cool. Because this means that back during my undergrad years, when I used to mix Costco-sized bags of skittles with my Mountain Dew for a much needed late-night-"studying"-session sugar rush unrivaled by any other caffeine/legal drug offering, I wasn't completely insane as my friends/family/dentist hinted? I could have patented this idea. I could have been rich or the first Mark Zuckerberg. Instead, I'm stuck in bleeding grad school because I happened to care what people think of me.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The ONE time we should be allowed to be snobs

Seen written on a friend's wall on facebook:
"JUST watched The Kite Runner. OhMG you've GOT to see it."
? Watched?? Wow. We're just...speechless.

Friday, May 1, 2009

You will love my germs

To the lame subset of the population encountered as of late on the subway:

I've actually had this phlegm-tastic cough for about a month now AND I've always had an extremely obnoxious cough. I am not a "terrorist" (as defined in the 2007 Webster Dictionary according to George W. Bush) trying to wipe out the entire population of NYC with my “pig germs”; I haven't even been to Mexico (does Texas count?) in months. These germs are old school, so stop giving me the bitch stare, quit your flinching and take off the gas masks. Last I checked, we're all gonna die anyway.

Happy Friday!