Movie Review: New Moon

In which three bored friends go to the Movies to see New Moon

Piglet: Cool, the film's named after the beer!
T: New, not blue.
Piglet: Ohhh

Kristen Stewart comes on the screen
J: Who's that girl?

Taylor Lautner appears on the screen, shirtless with his six pack gleaming

J: Yummers
Piglet: Is it wrong to sweat the 17 year old boy? I feel pervy
T: Would you do him if you were 18?
Piglet: Hell, I'd do him at 21.

Towards the end of the movie
J: Seriously, where's Dakota Fanning? I thought she was in this movie?

After yet another rescue of Kristen Stewart.
J: "Jesus, what's with this girl? She's worse than Spider Man's Mary Jane in heroines needing rescue every 1.5 seconds.

Edward Cullen removes his shirt
J,T,P (collectively): Ew.
P: They forgot to put glitter on his abs

T: Are his abs airbrushed?!

Movie over, the trio exiting
J: Ugh, that was lame

T: I want my money back

P: Totes
J: We probably should have seen Twilight first

Other moviegoers exitting as well (Apparently irritated): Yeah, no shit.