Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Office memos received from what is categorically The Most Awkward Black Person Ever in the history of Offices


Memo
To:  Everyone

I found this afternoon’s discussion of the presidential election in the break room extremely offensive.  Why, you may ask.  Because I am clearly African American, I am pretty sure that everyone automatically is assuming that I am an Obama fan.  Such assumptions are hurtful and, dare I say, racist.  Therefore, I would appreciate it if we kept politics away from the workplace.

Memo
To:  Everyone

People make too many jokes in the office.  When there is a lot of laughter (especially when not immediately explained to me), I, as a minority, feel uncomfortable and fairly suspect you are making some racist joke, and very likely at my expense.  This is very offensive to me.  I'd like to suggest more transparency in jokes that are uttered in the office.  Please feel free to let me know your thoughts.

Memo
To:  Everyone

It offends me that St. Patrick's Day is a celebration people get very excited about in the office.  It especially bothers me because MLK day comes and goes with hardly any recognition other than a day off.

Memo
To:  Everyone

With Halloween coming up, please refrain from wearing Blackface (please see the attached.)  Thank you.

Memo
To:  Everyone

It has come to my attention that not everyone was amused by my Whiteface this Halloween.  This was my attempt at showing you guys that I can have a sense of humor, since it was brought to my attention that many find me humorless.  To anyone who may have found my Whiteface offensive, might I remind you that only white people can be racists?  I have attached a recent article on the Systematic Implausibility of Reverse Racism with a foreword by Clarence Thomas.  Also, this month’s book club selection shall be A Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave by Frederick Douglass.  Thanks.

Memo
To:  Everyone

I would like to clarify my earlier memo about usage of the word "black".  I just think, when describing things with this word, there really should be some explicit clarification that this is not being used in a racial manner.  For instance, saying quite loudly in the office that you prefer your coffee black may have double meanings, such as a preference for black men/women.  This is extremely distressing to me as an African-American.  However, if there were some qualification to indicate nothing racial was meant, then nobody will be offended.  I hope this clears things up.

1 comment:

  1. Please please please tell me that somebody in an office actually received these ironic (OR ARE THEY?!?!) messages.

    ReplyDelete