Monday, April 29, 2013

Oogie is working from home today...

I, dear readers, give you a screen shot of my text messages from this morning:

You stay classy, San Diego.

I's all growed up now

You will be pleased to know that after almost a year of living in my current apartment with this nightstand:

I finally got a real one.

I'm very proud of myself.

Friday, April 26, 2013

S**t's getting real out there, y'all

Boston Globe has a story on the carjack victim of Boston bomb suspects.

From article:
In a flash, he unbuckled his seat belt, opened the door, stepped through, slammed it behind, and sprinted off at an angle that would be a hard shot for any marksman. 


I need to know, thanks.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

This post written in Easter egg colors.

Once upon a time, in a State far away, a little girl turned 14.  And with that 14th birthday came the advent of her womanhood.  For the next 15 years, for 8 consecutive days each month, the Red Fury barged in, desperately but so hatefully welcomed.  One day, while making her monthly contribution to the balance sheet of Playtex Products LLC, that little girl, now a woman, discovered that her local Duane Reade had run out of her preferred tampons, Playtex Super.  A sales clerk directed the frantic and weeping woman towards a box of tampons marked  Playtex Ultra- "your only option", said the sales clerk.  

"What is Playtex Ultra?" asked the woman.  
"A type of tampon?" said the sales clerk with a disinterested shrug.  

With a sigh, the woman bought the box of the foreign product, hoping that her experience would not be the raw nightmare that was Tampax Pearl.  At home, the woman said a prayer, inserted the tampon, and then... Wait! Could it be? It was! It was!  That box of Playtex Ultra tampons, for people for whom the Red Fury is an experience that could only be described as follows:


...that box of Playtex Ultra tampons is salvation, redemption, and, well, a Tampon commercial.  To wit:

Oh Sorry... That's the Kardashians... 

Much better.

For the first time in my life, I no longer dread my period (other than the occasional, Dear lord, please let this sh*t come this month); the period experience has become finally what it was meant to be: just another part of being a woman and not a punishment.  

And I'm not kidding- I am wearing pastels as I type this.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Forwards from Ma: That one time we outed ourselves as heathens

As our two readers know, we often get forwarded messages from our mother.  Sometimes we misunderstand the intent of the message.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Dear Woman of God, Be still for a while and praise God for His favor, His grace and His Awesomeness. God is able to do the impossible and is always near. He loves us unconditionally. Together, let's get 1000 ladies to praise Him with one voice in this next hour. Please forward this to every woman you want God to bless. Let's all say this prayer during this hour: Dear God, This is my friend whom I love And this is my prayer for her. Help her live her life to the fullest. Please cause her to excel above her expectations. Help her to shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love. Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs You the most, and let her know when she walks with You, she will always be safe. Amen! Now you're on the clock . . .Tell nine sisters you love them, including me. Get going girl!! Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps if you are not willing to move."

And in what may be the most hilarious but honest exposure of an individual's spiritual leanings, Piglet replies all to respond:

          "I don't get the joke."

Uhm. Win.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Yes, she really did go there

Text from Oogie:

"There is an obscenely hot firefighter at the grocery store. Can I set myself on fire right now? That wouldn't be weird, right?"



Saturday, April 6, 2013

by piglet and oogie

So, this happened, and Piglet and I are exhausted.

If you are too lazy to click on the link (and/or have been living under a rock for the past couple of days), President Obama, during a fundraiser, described Kamala Harris, the Attorney of General of California, by saying,

 ““She’s brilliant and she’s dedicated, she’s tough… She also happens to be, by far, the best looking attorney general…. It’s true! C’mon.”

What I firmly believe is such an innocuous statement has led to such outrage, vitriol, etc., that one would think that the President may have casually thrown out the phrase, “legitimate rape”, was a Supreme Court Justice voting with the majority on the Lily Ledbetter case, may have been hanging out recently with a female French tourist on a bus in Brazil, or may have been selling acid-filled containers to disgruntled men in certain third-world countries.

On the one hand, I understand and acknowledge the arguments of the critics of President Obama's remarks; I really can see the logic driving the sentiments of the critics.   After all, does not every overly-politically-correct argument have some reasoning to it?  You hate it when I use the word "crazy" in a sentence because it might be offensive to true mentally challenged people?  I get it.  You hate hearing about my diet because I may inadvertently be part of the oppression of “fat” people? Yup, I get it.  You hate that time your friends complimented each other on their looks because there may be some aesthetically-challenged people out there?  I get it.  But these are at the extreme end of true problems-i.e., NOT PROBLEMS AT ALL.  There are people walking among us AGGRESSIVELY and very very ACTIVELY engaging in a no-holds barred war to bring down women, demean us, or destroy us, so to choose to be upset over a joke related to looks, all the while claiming it is tied to some "bigger" issue, is exhausting.  As in, exhausting the way that, for instance, screaming “racism” and “death to all White men” over every action against a black person is exhausting.  (See, for instance, the recent race-related riots in Flatbush, New York, over the police-related shooting death of Kimani Gray, a young man with a questionable history and whose culpability is not immediately black or white, and its potential de-legitimization of disturbing and on-going race-related abuses such as the Trayvon Martin death, and the unapologetic Stop and Frisk program of the New York Police Department.)  We have real issues, people, and the resulting brouhaha over President Obama’s comment is dangerous and DOES contribute to delegitimizing of those real issues.

There is also a level of hypocrisy that bothers me about the outrage women have exhibited over this “incident”.  Attractiveness is used by every gender to compliment a female- especially females to other females.  Spend an hour with a group of females and I shall bet you that you shall hear a compliment based on someone’s physical appearance- be it shoes, hair, makeup, anything, at least once within that hour. (I would argue for a 5 minute window, but I dare not be flippant.)  When did it suddenly stop being okay to be attractive? I dare any of my female friends to claim that being called pretty or something based on physical appearance does not matter to them.  No, not being told that their attractiveness is their sole contribution to their position (in whatever form), I’m saying- a simple compliment- I dare them to deny that it does matter.  Wait! Is it because a penis commented on a woman’s attractiveness?  Nope.  According to K, “I think the fact that the President’s comment caused so much buzz is a problem for her and for women, even if he didn't mean it.”  After banging my head on the wall, I chose to ignore K’s comment or to point out that the “buzz” was actually caused mostly by women and what should have been a non-issue became one of the more annoying protests to which I have been subjected to all year. 

President Obama was making a joke.  That joke should not be a story.  Further, before even looking up the identity of other Attorney Generals, I knew she would be one of the few females populating a non-diverse group of primarily White males- a setup that is often perfect for this joke.  Should I break it down further?  When an obscene majority of the State Attorney Generals are male, of course she is likely the most attractive State Attorney General (and the last I checked, Ryan Gosling was still walking his dog around Brooklyn).  So yes, he.made.a. JOKE!  Or… mayhaps we make the argument that instead of calling Kamala Harris attractive, he was actually calling the other Attorney Generals ugly (uh oh… the White House better issue a preemptive apology asap.)  P.s., if we’re going to get on the train of crucifying the man as being anti-woman, let’s make another leap:  President Obama’s comment, if the knee-jerk liberals had thought for a second, would have had a FAR MORE positive effect on gender equality than a negative one because it should have been used to call attention to the woeful disparity evident in the demographical breakdown of the State Attorney Generals. 

The Kamala Harris incident is an example of exaggerated political correctness; knee-jerk liberalism, if you will.  Women should be proud of being attractive AND intelligent and accomplished, etc. Being attractive, having that noted in addition to your accomplishments is not meant to diminish your value and I think it hurts us in the short and long run to harp on this non-issue.  We have so many REAL work-place related issues; we should focus on fighting those.  If we took a second to think, we’d all know that President Obama is a far cry from the Mad Men era. So please, stop the madness because it is for nonsense like this that the fight for equality and the related movement remain a divisive one.