Monday, March 3, 2014

What really happened at the Oscars.

Scene, the 86th Academy Awards.  Category, Best Supporting Actress:

"And the Oscar goes toooooo... Lupita Nwa Thiongo for 12 Years a Slave!!"

[cue music playing/ cameras panning to Alec Wec who was there as Jared Leto's date/ [black screen]/ cameras panning to Lupita Nwa Thiongo who was now on stage/ cameras panning to Jared Leto who is now occupying the previously empty seat next to Lupita Nwa Thiongo. He is oddly blushing.]

[Lupita Nwa Thiongo commences her acceptance speech.  Inevitable statement about her forefathers.  Speech interrupted by text message from her brother: "You're East African"]

[Microphone accidentally picks up conversation between Anne Hathaway and Natalie Portman]:  
Anne:  "I now understand why she is winning an Oscar! For a second there, I was wondering if I should start watching Scandal."
Natalie:  Right? Gosh her skin is like ebony.

[Orchestra plays Lupita Nwa Thiongo off stage*] 

(*Yes, I am aware that apparently no one was played off stage.)